So you’re meeting with a potential client (or going on a first date) and you really want to impress. In fact you want to win the deal (or the girl of your dreams) . How can you quickly create a situation where you connect with your audience and just jam with them.


Note: these techniques are simply observations I have had other the years and not meant as scientific fact. For better research, see my dear friend Olivia Fox’s book on Charisma. (link).  They are in no particular order.


  1. Find Common Ground; this is often the first technique taught in negotiations class. Find a common area of agreement, preferably not in the area of your target sale so that you can connect on something other than the what you are negotiating over. Here its good to look people up on facebook and linkedin and figure out what common friends, interests, contexts you have and then ask questions.
  2. Make eye contact; the most powerful point of connection is eye contact. Its said that if you look someone in the eyes, deeply for more than 5 seconds, you can create a connection that is akin to falling in love with someone. I suggest make clear eye contact, preferably with a slightly tilted head and gaze at the other person. This can be completely platonic and in a business setting, it’s a matter of just looking into instead of at the other person, and then smile. It creates the feeling of warmth. The best salespeople are the ones you want to be around. Just look at the conversations you have and what the people who you connect best with do (many naturally).
  3. Come in relaxed; take a minute and breathe, chill and relax before going into the meeting (or on the date). People can smell stress and rushing. You want to come off with neutral positive energy. Meditation is a great way to create relaxation.
  4. Be confident in who you are; this can be the most difficult one and can override all of the others. Confidence is the worlds best sales technique and aphrodisiac. Slow down your demeanor, walk, talk straight and smooth and slow down your voice, allow your confidence to shine and show through.
  5. Assume the other person is the greatest person in the world; if you approach every encounter as if your opponent is the great person in the world, the nicest sweetest, greatest, most awesome, its pretty hard to go off course. The warm energy you generate by assuming the best for your friend should fall onto all others in the room. Its not contentious if your negotiating (or dating) the most amazing person in the world. You are lucky to be there and grateful for the experience.
  6. 6.    Find a way to support the other person without asking for anything; karma points. Do good onto your brethren without asking for compensation. The simplest ways to do this is by offering (and then making) connections and by sharing content and articles of interest. It takes 5 minutes to make an introduction and 2 minutes to share intelligence of interest. Do a google or twitter search and then share the results. Put good karma into the world and it will come back around.
  7. 7.    Notice their breathe and sync your breathing; this is an advanced technique. Pay attention to the rhythm of their breathing and follow the same pattern. (as a backup – start  breathing slowly, in through your  nose and out through your mouth – it has a calming effect on you and therefore on those around you). 

Yes, there are plenty other techniques you can use, and these won’t always work. People can be guarded and you really need to be genuine for them to work properly. So if you are trying to game your prey – well then likely the highest quality prey will realize they are prey and walk away. However, if you want to build true long term relationships, then these are some things to pay attention to. With that said, Deep Chemistry (see post) trumps all technique. Thus is life.